


Broken Bridges

by Sweet_Liar



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: Amamatsu - Freeform, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Depression, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, saimatsu - Freeform, saiouma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-07-25 06:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16192076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Liar/pseuds/Sweet_Liar
Summary: Hopeless crushes, dead dreams, and one victim. As they always say Love works in mysterious ways, but is it suppose to drive oneself to the edge? Is it suppose to whisper to you and suggest that you take that one more step? Or is that your own self doubt talking? Is there any possible way to turn around? To flee the deadly decision? No... there isn't... or are you blinded by the fact that you've given up?Hopeless crushes, dead dreams... Kokichi's the victim.





	1. I

_6:00am_

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BE—~click~ 

Kokichi pressed the off button to his alarm clock as he swung his legs over the edge of his bed to get ready for school. “Yay… another day of hell.” He muttered to himself, stepping into his bathroom. He stared at his reflection and giggled. “Good morning train wreck..” His hair stuck up in more odd angles than usual. In his opinion he takes the top spot for best bed head. 

He threw on his normal uniform, adding his favorite checkered scarf. He’s glad Hope's peak doesn’t mind it, even if they didn’t he’d wear it anyway. He brushed his teeth and combed back his unruly hair, not that it did much. He grabbed his school stuff and headed out of his house locking the door behind him. His paranoia wouldn’t allow him to do otherwise. 

He walked his way to school, seeing Kiibo and deciding that he was going to bother him for today. 

“Heeeeeeeeey Kiiboy! How’s the most weirdest robot in the world doing?” Kokichi said as he jumped in front of Kiibo earning a yelp from the robot. “K-Kokichi! I asked you to refrain from scaring me out of nowhere! And what do you mean by ‘weirdest’? It better not be another robophobic insult!” Kiibo yelled, picking up his pace to school to try and avoid Kokichi at all cost. 

The effort being in vain. Knowing Kokichi, the little pest was fast and could easily keep up with Kiibo’s speed walking. “ALLLL I’m sayin’ is that it’s odd to have a robot go to school! Robots can’t even understand human emotion so how could you hold a decent conversation? Eh, Robots are boring anyway. Why don’t you go back to the garage you came from? Hmmm? Maybe you’ll learn how to tell why you don’t fit in with humans!” Kokichi finished with a flick to Kiibo’s face. “Did that hurt? Oh of course it didn’t! Robots can’t feel pain! Unlike humans! That you’ll never be!” Kokichi laughed as he kept poking and prodding at Kiibo, obviously getting a kick out of how annoyed Kiibo looked. Kokichi was having fun until they both arrived at the school building, when someone interrupted them. “Kokichi! Stop bothering Kiibo!” Kokichi turned around to face Kaede. She always did this, but when he turned around he didn’t expect her to be holding hands with Shuichi. 

He blushed slightly when he saw Shuichi. If he was honest for once he would admit he had a little crush on Shuichi… for a year… and 2 months… and 12 days…and 26 seconds... and ok this was a massive crush. He was well aware of Kaede and Shuichi getting together, and have been together since 4 months ago. Truth be told he was devastated when he found out, but he kept his sanity by telling himself that not all relationships stick out till the end. ESPECIALLY in high school. What shocked Kokichi was the fact that Shuichi was showing his affection towards Kaede in PUBLIC. _‘They must have progressed in their relationship… a lot…’_ Kokichi thought bitterly to himself. 

Yes, he was jealous of their relationship. Yes, he was jealous of Kaede. Yes, he was in denial. And yes, there was nothing he could do. He didn’t hate it… He loved the fact that Kaede and Shuichi were happy. Shuichi more so Kaede. As long as his beloved was happy, then he was happy…. Or semi-happy. 

“Good morning to you too Kayayday!” Kokichi waved at them and left Kiibo alone, much to Kiibo’s relief. Kaede huffed, probably not happy with the fact Kokichi was purposely toying with her name. “And good morning to you too my beloved Shuichi!” Kokichi smiled at Shuichi who smiled and waved to him, probably saying ‘good morning’ back with a simple hand gesture. Kokichi walked into school with them. 

His first class was with Kaede while Shuichi had a different class. He didn’t mind THAT much but he had a sneaking suspicion that she was glaring at him when his back was turned. Which it always is. Since Kaede sat behind him. Kaede used to sit up front but because Kokichi always misbehaved in the back of the classroom the teacher moved him. Kokichi and Kaede were always the first in the classroom. Both were early risers and got to school on time, but on special occasions Kokichi came in late on purpose just to tick off the teacher. 

“Kokichi? Could I have a word with you?” Kaede asked as she tapped him on the shoulder. Kokichi reluctantly turned around in his seat, giving Kaede his attention. Kaede was using her serious tone so this can’t be good. “I noticed how you always call Shuichi your ‘Beloved’... could you please not say that? I take it as making flirty moves on him and I know you know we’re together… And if I wasn’t mistaken, I’d say you have a thing for him. So this is me kindly telling you to back off.” Kaede said looking him in the eye. Kokichi rolled his eyes at her. “Silly Kayayday! What if I was trying to make you upset?! It obviously worked! And if I wasn’t mistaken I’d say you’re jealous!!” Kokichi laughed with the smirk he knows gets on Kaede’s nerves. Kaede’s cheeks lit up a bright pink. “I’m not jealous of you! If anything it’s not you! Just back off my man! That's all I’m saying!” Kaede put her hands up in defense while Kokichi kept laughing at her. “Mmk! What evs Kayayday!” Kokichi turned back around to pretend to pay attention to the teacher who just walked in. He heard Kaede mumbled something like: ‘who would be jealous of you.’ He shrugged to himself and listened to the rest of the lecture. 

Class ended and the next one started and so did the next one and the next one. He only like last period class. Not because of the subject, but because Shuichi had a seat next to him. The teacher moved there seats last week and Kokichi was lucky to have the spot next to the famous boy detective. 

But it was lunch, not his favorite time of day. He walked into the lunch room and sat at the table with Miu, Gonta, and Kiibo. His favorite onslaught of people to torture. 

After a good ten minutes of pestering everyone they started ignoring him. Which is never fun. He sat next to Gonta who started yapping his ear off about how stink bugs should be loved like people love butterflies. Kokichi tuned him out and let his eyes wander over to Shuichi’s table. Shuichi had already finished his lunch and was now talking to Rantaro who was sitting across from him while Kaede practically hugged poor Shuichi’s left arm. 

Kokichi smiled to himself while he started fantasizing about Shuichi being an amazing detective (which he already was) chasing him down because he was a famous phantom thief. It was probably about 4 minutes later when he felt like someone was glaring daggers at him, which is a sense you tend to pick up when half the school hates your very being. He glanced around to have the one and only Kaede Akamatsu staring him down. _‘Whoops…’_ He thought as he realized that while he dazed off in la la land he was looking at Shuichi. He snapped his gaze from Kaede and got up to grab a Grape Panta from the vending machine. 

The bell rang and he walked to next class with Himiko and Kiyo since he had class with them. He never really walked with anyone to class but if it meant avoiding confrontation with Kaede than he’d happily except. Kaede might not be physically strong but she was almost best friends with Maki and if Kaede shares her frustrations to Maki than he’s a dead man. 

Finally the last class of the day came around and he showed up early to take his seat and wait for his beloved to take the one next to him. 

Like usual Shuichi was early or on time to his classes and sat next to Kokichi. Kokichi could feel his gaze on him and he turned to face him. “Staring is soooo rude Shuichi! Pictures last waaay longer!” Kokichi giggled when Shuichi blushed. “I-I didn’t mean to- I mean... I wanted to ask s-something...” Shuichi stuttered which was cute in Kokichi’s opinion. “Well! You are a detective, aren’t you?! Questions are important. Ask away!” Kokichi smiled and looked into Shuichi’s beautiful dim gold eyes, funny how Kokichi could practically see the questions dancing in them. 

“Well… I didn’t see you eat lunch, and… come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat lunch…” Shuichi said putting a thoughtful hand to his chin. Kokichi pouted, “Well, the detective must not be paying attention! I eat very healthy everyday!” Kokichi lied, but in order for the detective not to call him out on it… “Yoink!” Kokichi snatched Shuichi’s hat off his head. “H-hey! Kokichi! Give me my hat ba—” Kokichi cut him off. “Nope! You look better without it! I can see your pretty eyes now!” Kokichi blushed when he saw Shuichi blush. Kokichi pulled up his scarf to cover half his reddened face and jumped out of his seat. “But that was a lie! And by the way! I’m skipping class today!” He dashed out of the classroom with Shuichi’s hat.

___________________________

Kokichi found himself walking on the wooden bridge that seemed older than time itself. It had a roof attached to it and stretched over a road. The bridge was wide enough to fit a car and was about 19 or 20 feet long. He walked up the long path way to sit on this bridge. It was a decent drop from bridge to ground, it definitely would kill anyone who jumped. Nobody was allowed on the bridge since it could collapse at any moment, but Kokichi had jumped and threw his weight on it when he first found it. All it did was slightly shake so Kokichi dubbed it safe. 

Nobody came here, Kokichi called it his alone space. He sat with his back against the old pieces of wood that made the only barrier that kept him from plummeting a certain amount of feet. He fumbled with Shuichi’s hat in his hands. Mentally cursing himself over and over. He covered his face with Shuichi’s hat. It still had the scent that undoubtedly belonged to Shuichi. Every time that boy entered his mind he couldn’t stop blushing. Shuichi actually cared about him… He knew this because he was kind to him. He paid attention to him… He even noticed how he didn’t eat at lunch. He clenched the hat in his hand. He was angry, angry at himself. He could never be as kind as Kaede, as sweet, as understanding… Instead he was a rude, annoying pest that only messed things up. He blamed himself for Shuichi not ever liking him in that way. 

He blinked back the tears that collected in his eyes. Just now realizing how late it had gotten since he got up here. The sun was setting now. He stood up and leaned on the wobbly fence and looked at the sun as it turned the clouds a pretty pink and orange. 

He leaned a little more over the edge and looked down at the few cars that drove by. He sighed to himself as he backed away from the edge. “...I wonder how long it would take till I hit the bottom...” 5 seconds? 3? Not that anyone would miss him even if he tested that theory out... He stole another glance at the ground at least 170 feet away from him. No wonder people don’t want you up there on a old bridge. 

Would Shuichi miss him? He sighed again and held Shuichi’s hat close to his heart. He would never have someone that kind in his life. Nor would someone that kind love him at any extent. He simply didn’t deserve it. He made his way back down the path to the main road. And headed home. 

On his way home he stopped in front of Shuichi’s house, who lived a couple blocks from his own house. He set the hat on his doorstep and rang the doorbell, he hid behind the side of the house so he could still see who answered. 

Kokichi saw Shuichi open the door and see his hat on the ground. Kokichi saw him smile while he grabbed his hat back and close the door. Kokichi’s heart sped up again. _‘Did he smile because he knew it was me? Or did he smile because he had his hat back?? Or did he smile because he assumed that Maki beat me up and got his hat back and gave it to Kaede then gave it to him???’_ Kokichi doubted it was that last option, but still… He worried anyway. 

Kokichi made it home, unlocked the door and shut himself in the security of his own house. He scribbled down some answers to his homework and headed to bed, he really should go to sleep earlier than 12:30am. Not that he would. 


	2. 'L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Watching a compulsive liar scramble to do damage control when the secrets are unfolding is quite entertaining."

Shuichi’s POV:

11:47pm 

Shuichi sat on his couch next to Kaede finishing up the last of the 2nd movie they had been watching that night. Kaito and Maki were here but they had left 30 minutes ago. “Kaede… It’s late, maybe you should go home. It’s a school night…” Shuichi said gently. Kaede giggled. “Shuichi why do you have to keep pushing me out every night? Can’t I stay just one time?” Shuichi blushed, “But you did once…” Kaede rolled her eyes. “Yeah but that was a sleepover! With Kaito, Maki, and Kirumi! I just want it to be you and me!” Shuichi’s blush deepened. “I-I don’t know if I’m comfortable with t-that right now…” Kaede hugged Shuichi’s arm. “Come on! It’ll be fine! We ca—” 

*DING* *DONG* 

That was the doorbell, Shuichi looked from Kaede to the door. “Who could be here at this hour?” Shuichi heard Kaede ask. Shuichi left the couch to answer the door. Once he did he didn’t see anyone. All he saw was his hat on the doorstep. _‘Kokichi must've left it here…’_ Shuichi smiled as he picked up his hat. He closed the door with his hat in hand. 

“Who was it?” Kaede asked tilting her head to the side. Shuichi shrugged. “Someone just dropped off my hat on the doorstep, I think it was Kokichi. He did take my hat today.” Shuichi set his hat on the kitchen counter. He noticed Kaede slightly tensed. “You were hanging out with him today?” She asked with innocent curiosity in her voice but Shuichi could tell she was ticked off about something. 

“Um… well we have the same class together before school ends… I wouldn't call that hanging out though…” Shuichi stated, wondering why Kaede was annoyed by something. “You should probably not hang out with him… too much.” Kaede said slowly not looking at Shuichi. Shuichi raised a eyebrow. “Um… why not? Did he do something to you?” Shuichi’s concerns only grew, she was acting weird. “Nothing you really need to worry about, just don’t hang around him. That’s all…” Kaede was obviously avoiding something. “Kaede… I need more of a reason than that, Kokichi’s one of my friends and I can’t just sto—” “Just DON’T hang around HIM!” Kaede cut him off by raising her voice. Shuichi was shocked at her sudden outburst. This was definitely not like her. 

“K-Kaede are you ok? Is something wrong?” Shuichi said quietly a little afraid of upsetting her further. “I’m fine! The only thing wrong is that Kokichi’s trying to take you from me! I don’t want that happening! I’m sorry I raised my voice… I was just worried you would leave…. m-me..” Kaede wiped some tears away. Shuichi rushed to her side. “No, no, I wouldn’t leave you… I’m sorry you thought that, it’s ok.. I’m not mad at you..” Shuichi said while hugging Kaede. She hugged back and Shuichi could of swore she was slightly smiling. “D-does this mean you’ll stay with me? And n-not hang around Kokichi?” Kaede looked at Shuichi with puppy dog eyes. 

“Well I… Um I want to still—” Shuichi looked into Kaedes eyes and how they seemed like they would well up in tears any second. What could possibly go wrong if he said he wouldn’t hang out with Kokichi? It might be a slight lie… But a white one, right? As long as it keeps the other person happy. 

“...Ok, I won’t hang out with Kokichi as much…” Shuichi said with a weak smile. Kaede jumped up from the hug and kissed Shuichi quickly on the cheek. “Yay! I knew you’d see it my way! Love you! I really should get going! Bye!” And with that Kaede was out the door. Shuichi’s little smile left with Kaede. He wasn’t happy, he felt something… Something he likes to call detective instinct. Normally his instinct told him who was the culprit, where a murder weapon might be and most of all, who was lying. 

She lied to him. _‘About what?’_ He asked himself, It could be many things. Not just with what she says. It could be her overall demeanor or her eyes might hide a malicious intent. All of which were possibilities. As much as he hated to think that Kaede did something like this, he couldn’t simply say: “She’s my girlfriend I know her backwards and forwards, she would never do such a thing.” If he got a dollar every time someone said that at an interrogation, he would be rich. 

Maybe he could sleep on it, he could talk to Kaede about it in the morning. After all, people in healthy relationships talk out their problems. 

____________________________________________ 

6:42am 

Kokichi made his way to school while throwing some insults Miu’s way. He walked into school and the hallways were buzzing with whispers, the moment he entered any hallway he received looks from everyone. Having no idea why people did this he dropped in on another conversation being held by a group of girls. 

“Maki Harukawa? Why did she do that?” 

“I don’t know, she is the Ultimate Assassin after all. Killing a load a kids must be her daily basis.” 

“It’s all over the news and they say the culprit hasn’t been found yet! It’s totally her!” 

“Who found out in the first place?” 

“Oh, some police, I heard Shuichi Saihara the Ultimate Detective is on the case!” 

“No I mean, who told you?” 

“Oh, Kokichi told Kaede who told Tsumugi who told basically everyone else.” 

“Wow, you really shouldn’t give gossip to a girl who lives off it.” 

“But it’s not gossip if it’s true!” 

Kokichi stepped back from the conversation. Slightly paler than he normally was. No wonder people were staring at him, They think Kokichi practically started the rumor about Maki killing… children? He really needed the whole story. But the worst part about this whole thing, is that HE “started” a rumor about MAKI. An ASSASSIN. “I might as well start writing my will...” He said to himself walking to his first class. After school today, he was sure Maki would give him a piece of her mind. 

Those moments during the day when he saw Maki, she stared right into the depths of his soul. Almost signing his fate away entirely. He didn’t see Kaede in his first class, later he found out there was a student government meeting to discuss the issue about the rumor and low and behold Kaede was president of that meeting. 

He felt that Kaede really hated him, (well… who doesn't?) But he didn't know what caused it this time. Honestly is one of those things when people hates him for no good reason. When there are so many good options to hate, just choose one for goodness sakes. 

At the end of the day in his last class, the teacher said he had to go to the office. “Why?” Kokichi asked when she said so. “I think you know very well why.” The teacher turned her back to him, heading back to her desk. Letting Kokichi leave the room. Shuichi didn’t even say hi to him that day. He was sure him out of all people might see past this obvious lie! But guess not. 

Kokichi walked into the office, a place he was very used to and sat down across from the principle. “Kokichi, what you did was highly unacceptable.” He said with his arms crossed. Kokichi copied the principles posture and crossed his arms as well. “Remind me what I did again? I do so many things to get on your nerves I forgot which one!” Kokichi smiled. The principle just looked him in the eyes. “You know, I don’t need to spell it out for you. Let’s just get straight to your punishm—” “Was It the stink bomb in your cabinet?” Kokichi cut him off. “Oooor the glitter bomb in your student files? Oh! OH! I know! Was it when I poured water AND flour on you? Yeah soooorrrrrry my bad! You have to watch out next time, I’m planning on eggs next!” Kokichi laughed at the image of the principle cover in head to toe with raw eggs. 

“Kokichi I’m talking about the rumor you spread about Maki Killing a bunch of innocent children in the orphanage, when it wasn’t true. Normally petty rumors I let slide but this one was too far. I’m going to suspend you for 2 weeks.” Kokichi scoffed at him. “WOW! How dare you send me away from this place! I absolutely love it here! You’ll never take me alive!” Kokichi shouted while the principle rolled his eyes. “But that was a lie of course, I’m glad to leave. When does this suspension start? Tomorrow?” The principle nodded. “Don’t come back until you thought about what you did!” Kokichi heard him say as he bounced out of the office. Half excited to be out of there and half dreading what he was about to run into. 

The school day was over as soon as he walked out of the building. He wanted to make it home before he ran into any trouble but… “Hey!” Someone yelled from behind him. Kokichi spun around on his heels. “Hi Kaito! What brings you here?” Kokichi said trying to sound as casual as possible. “I know what you did to Maki.” He growled. “Come here so I can knock some sense into you!” Kaito yelled before he started running at Kokichi. Of course Kokichi started running away from him while laughing because he ran far faster than him. 

Then, out of nowhere he felt someone yank on his arm causing him to crash into the person who pulled on him. Someone yanked him into an ally way. He was confused until he felt a cold sharp edge press against his neck. 

“O-Oh, hi Maki!” He choked out while her grip on his neck tightened pressing the knife further into his skin. “There's nothing stopping me from killing you.” she said in a cold voice. “So how about you tell me why you did that.” Maki’s hand was holding his arm, and her other hand was tightly fastened around Kokichi’s neck so he couldn’t move. He expected nothing more from an Ultimate Assassin. 

“I n-never… s-started the rumor! Honest!” It was moments like these Kokichi wished he never lied in the first place because when he tells the truth no one believes him. “Tch, I don’t need to know anyway. Just as long as you die.” Maki was about to make her move when Kaito finally caught up out of breath. 

“W-what… Maki!... don’t k-kill ...him!” Kaito said between breaths. “Just don’t… no k-killing..” Maki looked at Kaito with her eyes filled with fury. “I won’t let him go that easily! He’s like a little cockroach! He bounces right back! Do you even understand what he did to me?! It took so long to build what little reputation I had! Now he ruined all that! People think I’m a psycho killer who does it for fun!” Maki shouted at Kaito who looked defeated. 

“Maki… You’re not a psycho… You’ll get in trouble for… anything you do. That is… If I tell anyone.” Kaito said, probably trying to stop her from murdering Kokichi. “Just don’t kill him, that’s all I ask. I care about you too much for you to get hurt.” Kaito said looking Maki in the eyes. He never did fall for her death glare. 

“Fine, you keep a look out for anyone. I’ll do this as fast as I can.” Maki hissed, dismissing Kaito and giving Kokichi her attention once again. “Ok, now what to do with a pest like you.” Maki looked at him like he was a rat on the street, with her nose turned up in disgust and gripping him like he had a deadly disease she planned on exposing. She threw him against the brick wall. She grabbed his shoulders and forced him to his knees when he tried to get up. 

“W-what does Maki plan on doing with me? Hm?” Kokichi said in a slightly shaky voice. “Find out.” Maki growled as she grabbed his hair and bashed his head against the wall. Kokichi bit down on his tongue to keep from yelling out in pain as his head hit the brick. He felt the warm sticky feeling of blood drip down his face. “Do me a favor and apologize.” Maki whispered in Kokichi’s ear, not letting go of his hair while threatening to slam him into the wall again. “I’m sorry.” Kokichi mumbled. Maki held her knife up to his chin, “Louder.” Kokichi took a deep breath. “I’m S-O-R-R-Y, Sorry!” Kokichi made sure to slightly yell so he didn’t have to say it again. 

He heard Maki mumble something about not being good enough. She then shoved him to the ground, placing her foot on his chest holding him down. “Don’t even try to get away.” Maki said as she slashed his right shoulder. Hearing his gasp in pain felt satisfying, but she was far from done. “I’m going to ruin your reputation like you did to me. I will, even if it means destroying your life in the process.” She grabbed him by his neck and hoisted him up. “Won’t it be interesting for someone to find a helpless, little, pathetic, worthless boy lying unconscious in an alleyway?” She felt Kokichi squirm under her hand, his face turning a sickening pale due to lack of blood circulation. 

Kokichi tried to claw at her hand, but it was no use. His arms started to feel numb and dropped helplessly at his side. His head felt warm and his vision began to blur. His neck and head began throbbing as if someone was shaking him back and forth. He felt his throat being constricted the tighter her hold became. It felt terrible, the worst part if that she wasn’t cutting off his ability to breath, Although she was making that hard to do. She was cutting off his pulse so blood wouldn’t reach his head. AKA Painful. Dizziness was making the world spin. Before the darkness took a hold of his vision he heard Kaito shout something. Maki immediately dropped him. He collapsed to the ground, air filling his lungs when he gasped and coughed. He still felt dizzy, but he was well enough to know Maki was right next to him. “This is the first of many.” She said darkly and left. Kokichi guessed that it meant this was going to happen again. “Please don’t…” He mumbled to no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think the chapter names are weird, then, they are XD It will come full circle once we get further into the chapters :D


	3. L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I swear I’m trying my best but I just can’t breath anymore and every second I’m alive I feel like I’m drowning.”

_1 week and 2 days later_

12:04pm 

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi and Kaede sat together at their lunch table with Rantaro talking to Tsumugi, or more like arguing. They normally do this, it seems to be all they do if you see them together. Kaede was talking about how she was going to a concert on the weekend to play her new piece. Shuichi listened but he really wanted to talk to her about something else. 

“Um… Kaede?” Shuichi was going to start this conversation whether she liked it or not. Kaede looked at him with her full attention. “Yes Shuichi? Something the matter? You look a little sad…” Shuichi nodded. “Um… It’s about… Kokichi.” Kaede’s smile dropped for a half a second before it was back. “Oh? Yes, what about him? Do you want to hang out with him? I guess that’s ok, I was being unfair. Sorry about that night…” Kaede leaned against Shuichi’s arm, looking into his eyes. This caused Shuichi to blush, pulling down his hat. “Well… I-I think… I mean I don’t mean to say— or I do… b-but I wanted to make sure…” Shuichi stuttered out. Kaede grabbed his hand. “Go on, say it. I won’t bite~” Kaede giggled. Shuichi took a deep breath. 

“Did you start the rumor about Maki and blame it on Kokichi?” 

Now Kaede’s expression completely dropped. Shuichi couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Sh-Shuichi!?” She exclaimed, almost yelling. “H-How could you accuse me of such… of such a terrible thing!” Kaede got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria. Shuichi got up to follow her. He felt bad for asking now, but he was just asking. Based off of her answer he could tell whether or not she did. With her he couldn’t tell. She just looked utterly betrayed. 

He found her out in the school courtyard sitting on a bench. “Kaede… I’m sorry… I just wanted to ask, I didn’t mean to come off that way…” Shuichi apologized, but Kaede didn’t seem to like that. Her fists were clenched and she stood up and faced him. “YOU BETTER BE SORRY!! HOW COULD YOU SIDE WITH HIM!?” Kaede screamed at him. Shuichi didn’t expect this at all. “K-Kaede I’m sorry! I really am… and I’m not siding with Kokichi, I… I shouldn’t of asked you that…” Shuichi looked into Kaede’s eyes that showed how much disappointment she had in him. 

But suddenly that changed. “Good!” Kaede cheered, “We don’t have to worry about Kokichi at all, he’s in suspension right now so lets enjoy the peace an quiet while we can!” Kaede grabbed Shuichi’s hand and headed back inside. 

_‘Her eyes… changed so quickly, one minute she’s angry, the next she’s happy.’_ Shuichi was confused, but he didn’t pull against her grip. He went back to the lunch room. Kaede gave an excuse to Rantaro and Tsumugi as to why they left. 

After the last class of the day when Kaede wanted him to walk her home, his worries grew. On the way to Kaede’s house he tried again. “Kaede, I know you probably don’t like Kokichi… but do you really think he started the rumor? I mean… He wasn’t even at school when it started… It doesn’t really make sense…” Shuichi spoke timidly. Kaede sharply turned around, almost making Shuichi bump into her. “Shuichi.” She said strictly. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about this.” She looked in Shuichi’s eyes. Shuichi looked away from her gaze. _‘This has been going on for the past week… Why can’t I talk about Kokichi at all?’_ “But I want to and I feel like it should be talked about...” Shuichi spoke hesitantly. Kaede was still staring at him. She took one small step towards him, causing Shuichi to flinch. He stared into her eyes, he was afraid to speak about it now… he felt a twinge of fear towards her. She might yell at him again… 

_‘Why am I afraid?? It’s just Kaede…’_ Kaede then opened her mouth to speak. “We. Aren’t. Talking. About. _It._ ” Shuichi nodded, having a sneaking suspicion that “It” was Kokichi. Then Kaede turned back to her cheery self. “Ok! Thank you Shuichi!” Kaede was in front of her house. “What? No goodbye kiss?” She huffed. Shuichi gave a small smile and kissed Kaede’s forehead. 

Kaede waved bye to Shuichi as he walked to his house. Then Kokichi popped into his mind. Surely he didn’t get off scot free after that whole thing with Maki. Maybe he should go to his house? No… Kaede would find out, and he’s trying to keep her happy, because he loves her. 

He could text him and delete the text afterwards… yeah that sounds reasonable. Once Shuichi made it home and went to his room he pulled out his phone. 

S.S: Kokichi you there? 

20 minutes, no response 

S.S: Are you okay??? 

40 minutes, no response 

Shuichi didn’t know what else to do, he wasn’t responding… _‘Maybe his phone died… Or just doesn’t have it with him…’_ Yet again, all possibilities. Shuichi tried calling, but he didn’t pick up. Shuichi started worrying more, pacing back and forth trying to think of something that would calm him down. Normally Kaede helped him out with problems but Kaede has been acting strange lately and she isn’t going to be much help. 

Maybe he could call Kaito? He dialed his number. No surprise he picked up on the first ring. 

“Hey! How’s my sidekick doing? Need anything?” 

“Um… y-yeah, It’s about Kokichi. Could I ask you about him?” 

“....... Uh Yeah sure, go ahead..! Nothing the luminary of the stars can’t answer!” 

“Have you seen Kokichi anywhere lately? He won’t answer my texts or pick up the phone… I haven't seen him since he got suspended… Have you?” 

“Uuuuhhhh Nope! I um...have to go take care of something now! BYE!” 

Kaito hung up. “That was weird…” Shuichi said to himself. 

Now that he thought of it… 

Kaito’s a bad Liar. 

__________________________________________ 

_The next day_

1:12am 

Kokichi’s POV: 

Kokichi sat on his bathroom floor with a couple bandages. Maki had beat him up again. Except this time she made him plead for mercy or else she would hurt him in yet another creative way that Kokichi would rather not know of. 

He wrapped his arm with bandages, and any other cuts she may have gave him. This was almost getting too much… The soreness he felt every morning, the stinging pain he felt every new cut, or bruise, or gash that he was lucky didn’t get infected. It all hurt, why did this have to happen now? This, plus his broken heart was just getting too much… For once in his life he would be happy to go back to school. 

He stared at the mirror and saw his reflection. His lip was still bleeding a little and he still had a scrape on his cheek from being shoved to the concrete. How could he go to school like this? When does he go back? 5 days? 4? That’s not enough time to heal all these wounds… Luckily his uniform had long sleeves. 

He couldn’t look at his pathetic reflection anymore. It hurt too much. The tears welled up in his eyes and he started crying. 

Was all his life just supposed to be pain? No happiness? Why was he complaining… He deserved it, all of it… every ounce of abuse...he deserved it. Any awful throbbing headache, every burning, stinging, stabbing pain he feels he deserves it. His legs gave out on him and fell to his knees, covering his face as he sobbed. He better get used to it… his life will only be like this… nothing more nothing less. That didn’t keep him from wanting someone to hold him… Someone to whisper in his ear that everything was ok. Someone to listen to his cries, someone to give him a firm ground for him to stand upon. Just anyone he trusted to fill the hollow empty agony he felt every. single. day. 

Nobody in his entire life ever really gave him attention, always taught him that he came second, his opinion never mattered, everyone else is far more important than he was. It all _hurt._

Then one day he meets someone who makes him feel like he mattered, someone who didn’t treat him like trash. Someone who didn’t run away when he opened his mouth. Shuichi… Shuichi, Shuichi, ShuichiShuichiShuichi… He’s stuck in his head… He started having nightmares and he’s in them, he can’t even rest easy anymore. Shuichi didn’t and never would love him. 

The more thoughts that shot through his mind, the harder it got to breath through his sobs that no one would ever hear. 

He didn’t matter. 

He never did. 

He should _die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I like to watch Kokichi suffer? XD Guess angst runs in my blood. >:P


	4. S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Every time you hurt me I apologize because I felt guilty for making you feel bad.”

_End of suspension_

_7:00am_

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi and Kaede were walking to school hand in hand. They headed inside the building together and split up to go to their classes. Shuichi was excited because he was going to see Kokichi today, since his suspension ended. 

The day buzzed by like a blur. He was anticipating the class he would see Kokichi in. Finally the hour came and he sped walked to his class. Kokichi was already in his seat and Shuichi sat down next to him. “Hey Kokichi, how was your long break from school?” Shuichi asked genuinely. Kokichi looked at him and smiled his cheeky smile. “It was preeeetty amazing! Wish it lasted longer! That way I wouldn’t have to see your face! Nee-heehee!” Kokichi paused for a little dramatic effect. “Buuuut that was a lie! I love seeing my beloved Shumai!” 

Shuichi chuckled a little at his antics and the silly nickname, but something was off. His smile… it seemed… a little too forced… and his eyes… they seemed to have lost their shine... But Shuichi could be over thinking it. “Hey Kokichi… Did something happen while you were away?” Shuichi asking with pure concern. Kokichi’s face went blank. “No, nothing happened.” This only raised Shuichi’s worries. “Are you sure? You’re not lying are you?” Shuichi looked hard into Kokichi’s eyes but they were completely and utterly empty. 

Shuichi brought his hand to Kokichi’s face to thumb over the scratch he noticed. Kokichi flinched back when he saw Shuichi’s hand. “You got hurt.” Shuichi stated. Now noticing the small cut on his lip. Kokichi tugged Shuichi’s hand away, putting his smile back on, “Don’t worry about it! I just tripped! Jeez! Stop being such a worry wart!” Shuichi was about to protest against that but class started. 

After school let out he meet up with Kaede who looked mad. “Um... Kaede, something wrong?” Shuichi inquired, almost afraid to ask. “Yes. In fact there is!” She crossed her arms. “I SAW YOU HOLDING HIM, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?! THIS….THIS IS…” Shuichi didn’t know what she was talking about. “Kaede..? What do you mean?” Kaede huffed frustratedly. “I was walking between class and I saw you holding his face. Were you going to kiss him?! You might as well at this point!!” Kaede yelled. Shuichi was having trouble finding words. “K-Kaede I wasn’t I-I was j-just—” _*SLAP*_

Kaede slapped him right across his face. His cheek stung and all words were lost. “Think about what you did. Never leave me, or else bad things might happen... I mean I'm only keeping you away from people who want you... liiike Kokichi! People like him lie because they don’t respect you! People like that think you're too stupid to know the difference! I’m trying to help us! Why can’t you listen!!?” Shuichi tried to say something but ended up mumbling a weak “...s-sorry.” And with that Kaede walked away. 

_‘W-Why did she…’_ Shuichi thought he was confused before but now not only was he confused, he was hurt. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Kaede actually did that. 

Not knowing what to do or how to feel, he started to walk home. He really wanted to talk to someone about this… He was the kind of person who talked about their issues, not ignore them. 

But who could he talk to? Kaito was acting strange… Maki has been in a bad mood since the rumor… Kaede was over all out of the question. Could he… talk to Kokichi? Would he help him? Kokichi was called the Ultimate Supreme Leader… So maybe that meant he had amazing leadership skills, maybe good pointers? The only way he’d find out is if he tried. 

He walked over to Kokichi’s house. What Kaede didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. When he arrived he knocked a couple times. He heard someone coming and they opened the door. “Oh hi Shuichi! What brings you to my humble abode?” Kokichi, as cheerful as ever. 

“H-Hi Kokichi… could I come in?” 

__________________________ 

Kokichi’s POV: 

Kokichi nodded and let Shuichi inside. “Sooooo has Shuichi come to kill me? I don’t think you can do that cuz someone else takes that spot! What can I do for ya!?” Kokichi asked quizzically as he bounced into his living room and plopped down on a cushioned chair. 

Shuichi looked slightly nervous and slightly relieved at the same time. “Could I talk to you about something…?” Shuichi timidly wondered. “Oh, well sure thing! What’s up? Is it about Kaede being a meanie?” Kokichi smiled gently, When Shuichi cast his look downwards he regretted his words. maybe he shouldn’t of spoken about a touchy subject… _‘Nice going Kokichi, no wonder people don't like you.’_ Kokichi kept silently lecturing himself while Shuichi blinked a couple times, “Um… y-yeah, it is actually. How did you know?” 

Kokichi slightly smiled. “Weeelll…. I may or may not of seen Kaede yell at you today after school… and let me tell you if I wasn’t dealing with someone else than I would've tooootaly given her a piece of my mind!” Shuichi blushed embarrassed. “Y-You saw that then…” 

“Mhmmmm, so why come to me out of all people!? I could possibly blackmail you with this! Are you sure I can be trusted??” Kokichi laughed. Shuichi thought for a moment. “Well… yes, I do think you can be trusted.” Shuichi grinned weakly. “...” Kokichi’s face was blank. If he showed any emotion at that moment Shuichi would see how happy that comment made him. Why does he trust him? 

“Why? I haven’t done anything for you.” Kokichi plainly stated, looking away from Shuichi. “You didn’t have too, I think you’re smart so you must give good advice about some things…” Shuichi shyly pointed out, looking at the floor. 

“Mmm I guess I could help you! AND I’m going to be 100 percent honest! Which make cost you a couple pretty pennys! Maybe even your life! But that depends on how boring you are. So what’s your issue with Bakamatsu?” 

Surprisingly the conversation was not as awkward as Kokichi expected it to be, no awkward silence, no weird glances to the side, Shuichi seemed like he just wanted to talk to someone. Kokichi’s heart filled up with happiness, knowing that his beloved _trusted_ him and was willing to be vulnerable. Something Kokichi thinks he’d never accomplish in his entire life. 

“Shuichi, you should ditch her.” Kokichi commented after Shuichi explained how Kaede was acting. “W-What? No… I can’t do that… She’s one of my best friends. My girlfriend for pete sakes, I can’t put her through that kind of pain…” Kokichi sighed, “So that means she can treat you like trash or however she pleases. Cuz you know why? She knows you won’t end the relationship. If you think what’s between you two is love then you're mistaken, It’s more like a leash.” Kokichi hummed, trying not to laugh at Shuichi’s face seemingly stuck in disbelief. “B-But I do love her… and Kaede would never… use me like that.” Shuichi frowned. “Well Shuichi, ask yourself this; Does she love you back? Not to mention how she treats you, she slapped you! I don’t think what relationship you have is healthy. Matter of fact I think you could consider it abusive, but I wouldn’t know anything about that.” Kokichi said everything in all honesty, except for one little itsy bitsy lie, but Shuichi didn’t need to know that. 

“Maybe she’s going through something and not telling me…” Shuichi mumbled. “Whatever lets you sleep at night, I guess.” Kokichi said shaking his head. “Kokichi, could I ask about you?” That timid voice again. Any time he merely mentioned his name or hints at him, Shuichi speaks in this quiet hesitant voice, almost if he’s afraid to. “Hm? Well sure! What is it?” Kokichi was almost going to say ‘no’ because Shuichi might pick up on the things he’d prefer him not too. “Well before you said you were dealing with someone when me and Kaede… well you know, what do you mean by that?” 

“Weeeell umm… I was dealing with Gonta! He wouldn’t be quiet about bugs so I had to tell him he stepped on an ant, he freaked out and stuff!” Kokichi laughed but Shuichi didn’t seem to buy it. “But Gonta wasn’t at school today, who were you actually with?” Kokichi kept smiling, mainly because he really didn’t want Shuichi to know just yet. 

“Hmmm ok I lied, I was with Miu.” 

“Miu was in her inventions club after school.” 

“Ooookay, you got me! I was with Kiibo!” 

“He was with Miu.” 

“I was with Kaito then.” 

“Kaito left early, remember?” 

“Hm, you’re good at this… I was with Kiyo!” 

“Who in their right mind hang out with him? No offence but even Angie gets creeped out by him.” 

“True, true… Tenko!” 

“She hates you more than men.” 

“Okaaay, I was with…” 

“Kokichi! Please, why can’t I know? Is it that bad?” Shuichi sighed. Thinking about how bad it could be that he couldn’t know. “...Was it Maki?” Kokichi paused, then nodded with a smile as if he was excited to hear her name. “Why couldn’t I know that? ...Did she do something to you?” Shuichi would understand if she did, she did hate him a lot, but was it really bad that he couldn’t know? “Nope! I’m A-OK, Jeez I didn't know Shuichi had a dark mind!” Kokichi laughed. Shuichi shook his head and decided to ignore that comment. “Then how come you didn’t wanna tell me?” The more Shuichi questioned, the more concerned he got. 

Did he seriously have to play this game? Okay. Fine. “Because she told me not to tell!” 

He faked shook, as if he hadn't meant to say what he did. Shuichi put on his thinking face. “Why not?” Shuichi asked the question he isn’t supposed to ask. “Shuichi, that would defeat the purpose of it not-being-allowed-to-say.” Kokichi crossed his arms. Shuichi thought for a moment. “Ok, then I’ll ask Maki herself.” Shuichi challenged, knowing full well what kind of answer he’ll get. “Shuuiiichi! don’t do thaaaaaat! If you want me to keep my life then don’t ask her!” Kokichi was serious now, if Shuichi finds out now then it'll mess everything up. And if that secret gets out Kokichi would die. Emotionally and Mentally. 

“Kokichi, If you’re getting hurt then I want to know. I’m not the type to just sit here and let my friends get hurt, so please. Can’t you tell me?” Kokichi didn’t know why but he started laughing. “You?? Consider _me_ , your friend?? Yeah, tough love Shuichi but you can’t help me out of my own grave.” Shuichi made that face again, that face that screams pity. “Kokichi… I’m sure I can help you, if you just let me…” Kokichi couldn’t listen to Shuichi say that to him. _‘Ha. He’s lying, I’m sure he’s lying. I hate liars, Shuichi’s lying to me…’_ “It’s called BLACKMAIL Shuichi! You find out about what happened then that said person will find out and tell another person a secret and that person will tell everyone else and the secret they know will ruin everything. Why is the detective so oblivious?!” 

“Ruin… everything? What do you mean? How bad could this secret be?” Shuichi tried to rack his brain for something so bad but came up blank. “Well it’s not like I’m telling you, you out of all people should not and will not know.” Kokichi was regretting letting Shuichi into his house now, Shuichi was just too smart and asked all the right questions. “Is Maki the one giving you those scars?” 

“...” Kokichi remained silent. What did that have to do with anything? No detective, focus on the secret. “Kokichi... She is… isn’t she.” Kokichi still didn’t respond. _‘How did he see the scars anyway? He must of seen the one on my neck… dang it Kokichi, mistake after mistake, what’s next? Shuichi finds your secret out too early?’_ “Kokichi I can have a word with her, I don’t like that she’s hurting you like this…” Shuichi calmly stated. ,em >‘No no no no you don’t understand! Don’t do that, It wouldn't result in anything to help anyones case.’ Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to speak those words, as much as he wanted to say them. “Fine.” That was all he said, sounding like the dead robot he feels like. 

The secret itself may not be terrible in other people’s eyes, but to Kokichi it was supporting everything. 

_~FlashBack~_ 

*SLAP* 

Kokichi’s jaw dropped. _‘Kaede just hit him… Kaede hit my beloved!!?’_ Kokichi was around the side of the building when he witnessed it. Why was he there in the first place? Mainly because he was hiding from Maki. He was about to go after Kaede and tell her off, he spotted Maki and Maki spotted him. 

He was about to try to hide again but he totally forgot how fast Maki was when she had a target. “I’m going to make one thing VERY clear.” Maki said backing Kokichi against the wall. “Kaede told me you like Shuichi, as far as I can see you don’t want him to know. So don’t tell anyone what happened over your suspension, or I will tell. Starting with Shuichi.” Maki stared down at Kokichi. _‘Oh, That's not bad considering my time... gotta act like it's the worst thing in the world I guess. Or not.’_ Kokichi just smiled at her. _‘She was looking for something to hold over my head and Kaede thinks she gave it to her. Ha. Little do they know.’_ “Ok fiiine I won’t tell them what happened! Jeez!”

Maki stared at him for a moment more before she left. Kokichi breathed a sighed a sigh in relief. Then he went to look for Kaede or Shuichi, but both were gone. 

_~End of FlashBack~_ 

Shuichi was saying goodbye and was about to leave. “Wait, Shuichi.” Kokichi said as Shuichi stood in the doorway. Shuichi looked at him. “...Just don’t let Kaede push you around like she’s doing… ok? I won’t always be around to yell at her! Mmmmkay!?” Kokichi smiled, at least trying to brighten the mood a little bit. 

Shuichi laughed weakly. “Alright Kokichi, thank you for your advice… I appreciate it.” Kokichi laughed at that. “Yeah, yeah, I know I’m amazing! Now get off my lawn before I call the police!” Shuichi smiled and waved as he left. Once Kokichi closed the door he dropped his cheery smile. 

_‘I can’t do this… hopefully she’s not going to tell Shuichi too early… Why should I care so much… nothing’s going to change even if he did know… I can just lie and say it’s just another rumor to get me back… besides, I don’t plan on staying for long. 30 days should be good enough…’_


	5. A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A broken heart is the worst. It’s like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it but the pain is unbearable every time you breath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is cutting in this one, depressing thoughts and high amount of self doubt.

That weekend

8:11am 

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi was laying on his bed trying to read his book but his thoughts kept interrupting him. _‘Why has everyone been acting so weird lately? First Kaede, then Kaito, then Kokichi… who’s next? Maki? Probably… is there something I’m missing?’_ Out of all of them Kokichi was his biggest worry. When he went over his house he seemed…. tired, or his energy was somehow way lower then he was used to. His eyes were the same since the last time, no color… no spark of mischievousness. It seemed very familiar to Shuichi but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Everything about Kokichi was confusing as it was, but now he managed to be more confusing. He was like Kaede in a way, emotions changing faster than bipolar. 

Then his phone started to ring. It was Kaede. 

“Hey Shuichi!” 

“Hey Kaede, how are you?” 

“I’m good! Thanks for asking! Come on over to my house! I wanna watch a movie with my most favorite person in the wooorld!” 

“...Alright, be over soon.” 

“Yaaay! Love you! Bye!” 

Shuichi ended the call and got ready to head over to Kaede’s house. He got to his door and just before opening it, he stopped. Things felt kinda... different…. When they first got together all those months ago, he always was happy to go see her, with a small smile on his lips and a warm feeling in his heart. He loved her, he’d never leave her, but it felt different now… The feeling was… gone, I guess you could say. He wasn’t as happy, but he didn’t know what that meant. He was still in love with her… right? _‘Of course I am.’_

He got to Kaede’s house and she practically yanked him into her house when she saw him. She grabbed his hand and walked to the couch where her TV was. “You know I love you, right Shuichi?” Kaede hugged his arm and kissed his cheek. Shuichi blushed while Kaede sat him on the couch next to her. She put on the movie and it was a nice kind of quiet. Shuichi remembered they did this when they first got together. So the air was calm and Shuichi felt himself slightly relax. 

Until a thought hit him shattering the mood. _‘Does she really love you?’_ Causing him to step back a little and re-evaluate the whole situation. The words Kokichi gave him started to echo in his head. _‘Does she love you back?’_ Even though she said she did… words can be deceiving. “Hey Kaede…” Shuichi started, he just wanted to clear his mind with a simple question. No more no less. “Yes Shuichi?” Kaede answered while the movie played in the background. “What do you love about me?” Shuichi didn’t mean this in a selfish way, or a self centered way. He just simply wanted to know. Since Kaede tells him those words often. 

“Well I love how you’re so smart, and kind, and nice! I’ve never met someone so sweet! And you’re always you! Don’t forget highly attractive, what’s not to love?” Kaede smiled and nuzzled a little closer to Shuichi’s chest. 

Shuichi’s thoughts were silenced after her response. He let the movie play on till it was finished. When he looked at the clock it was, 11:02. Kaede always liked to pick long movies. “Okaaay, Shuichi, can I ask a innocent question?” Kaede smiled a little, showing that it seemed to just be a small little question. Shuichi nodded, “Did you go to Kokichi’s house recently?” Kaede said slowly with the same smile. Shuichi felt his heart rate increase. _‘Calm down, it’s just a simple question… no big deal.’_ “Um… yes I did, why do you ask?” Shuichi decided not to lie, not only is he a terrible liar but that would only make him look suspicious. “Why were you at his house?” Kaede kept the same even tone. Her behavior slightly scaring Shuichi, It felt like she was building up to something and these questions lead up to that. 

“W-well I was worried abou—” “About what?” Kaede cut him off, Shuichi could almost feel her patience running out. “About him? Shuichi? I thought you were going to stop hanging out with him. Why didn’t you listen to me?!” Kaede’s voice started to escalate, Shuichi didn’t like where this is going. “I-I did start hanging around him less…” Shuichi weakly argued back. “Well! Don’t hang around him at all! In fact! Don’t talk to him! I don’t want to see you with him!” Kaede was trying really hard not to scream, but it was tempting. “B-But Kaede…” “I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU SHUICHI, IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! IT’S FOR _OUR_ OWN GOOD! ....you know I'm just worried, I love you too much to lose you.” Shuichi stayed silent and listened to Kaede. “Is that clear Shuichi?” Shuichi hesitated, then nodded. “You do love me, right?” Shuichi nodded again. “I want to hear you say it… Please Shuichi? I’m sorry… I should have told you in a gentler way… So please say it?” This is the point where Shuichi is screaming at himself, every part of him is telling him that this isn’t right. “I love you too… Kaede.” He mentally cringed at how forced that sounded. Once hearing those words Kaede reverted back to her original self again. 

As if she never yelled at Shuichi. As if she never got mad. 

After awhile of Kaede busying him with her wonderful piano skills or telling him about how her family was doing, she finally let him leave with a kiss goodbye. 

A lot of thoughts rushed through his head as he stepped into his own house, but he didn’t want to think about it. Right now he wanted to mentally prepare himself for the talk he was going to have with Maki when school started again on Monday. 

___________________________________________ 

Monday, After school 

3:00pm Kokichi’s POV: 

Kokichi dropped his school things off at his house, and headed to his “Alone place.” He needed to clear his head about some things, of course the main thing being Shuichi and their interaction a couple days ago. 

He walked the ten minute path up to the bridge. When he got there he sat in the middle of the bridge floor with his head against the old wooden guardrails. He sighed and pulled up his long sleeve on his left arm. _‘30 cuts… for 30 days… that makes the 3rd day.”_ Kokichi held his knife in his hands and slashed over the 3rd cut on his arm. He breathed a sigh in relief. Somehow the pain he felt was able to help him cope with stress or his troubled emotions. He only did this for that reason only. Not for attention, not crying out to anyone to help him, it was just his coping mechanism. He knows very well that this is bad, it’s far from healthy. That’s why he cuts up higher on his arm, not his wrist where it’s noticeable. 

He couldn’t wait till his 30 days were up, everything would be over… but he had to be patient. Rushing things would ruin everything. He tucked his knife away, he would bandage the cut later, or forget. Kokichi didn’t care if he bled out at all, he stopped considering himself a long time ago. Probably one of the reasons he was labeled “The Ultimate Supreme Leader.” GOOD Leaders have to be at least some degree of selflessness to do anything to protect their subjects or subordinates. Leaders have to be clever and smart to be able to lead in general. Leaders can’t break under stress or pressure, they have to have a strong and firm foundation for anyone who decides to follow to stand upon. People like people who are strong, not physically, but morally or mentally or especially emotionally. 

But Kokichi called himself a sad pathetic excuse for a so called “Leader.” He has no followers, His D.I.C.E. organization broke apart in middle school. He definitely was surprised when Hope's Peak accepted him in as such a leader. Honestly the title sounded like it belonged to someone powerful, or strong. Things that Kokichi thought didn’t describe him whatsoever. 

Therefore there is no reason to take this beating anymore, he doesn’t have anyone who cares about him, no one to lead, his purpose is solely just to exist. He bet Hope’s peak needed another student and thought up a silly name and gave it to a random kid who had no talent at all. 

Even if he tried to be what they thought they saw, he never was good enough. Or he never felt good enough. After all, he couldn’t even keep a small organization together. After all he promised to D.I.C.E. that he would never let them slip through his fingers. He lied to all of them, he hated liars… of course that would include himself. Would he give anything to be held at least once before his time is up… But that was wishful thinking. 

Maybe he could steal one hug from Shuichi, even though he won’t return it. 

He tried to swallow the tears but it was no use. Crying was inescapable. He hated when he cried, crying was a vulnerability. It showed people exactly where something hurt. After people saw him like that, they would poke at his weaknesses. Using them to hang over his head. Like meat over a starving dog. Kokichi wanted it all to go away, he wished people never knew him. He wished no one treated him kindly. Then he would of never fell for Shuichi, or into this maddening torture to his heart. 

One thing about time limits is that they either go too fast or too slow. 

This one was going slow, too slow. 

And it’s eating up the very last bits of his sanity. 


	6. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life asked Death,
> 
> "Why do people love me, but hate you?"
> 
> Death responded
> 
> "Because you are a beautiful lie and I'm a painful truth."

_1 hour earlier, School just let out._

2:00pm 

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi needed to find Maki before Kaede found him. He needed to get Maki alone, he felt like this conversation was going to need some privacy. 

Finally he saw her. “MAKI!” He called out waving to her, trying to get her attention. Maki made her way over to him. “What do you need Shuichi?” Maki might of came off cold but Shuichi has known her long enough to know that she was in an approachable mood, which is good for him. “Could I talk to you privately about something?” Shuichi asked a little too quickly, mainly because he was nervous. “Of course you can.” Maki agreed and they both walked to an area secluded from people. “What is it that you need to speak about?” Shuichi could tell she was genuinely curious. “O-Ok… I’m going to go straight to the point, have you been with Kokichi when he wasn’t at school? I-It’s ok if...well I mean, if that was happening— … I won’t tell! Just…” Maki glared at him, Shuichi couldn’t tell what was going through her mind. 

“He told you.” Maki stated, not bothering to consider the fact that he might not of. “N-No! I guessed! O-One of my detective instincts… I guess. Just please… don’t hurt him anymore. I won’t get you in trouble since you’re my friend. Please Maki? I don’t even need a reason why you did that, just… please?” Shuichi pleaded with her, Maki had to agree, she just had too. “Fine! I won’t touch the little twerp! I was just making sure he didn’t do what he did again!” Shuichi sighed in relief. “Thank you Maki…” Maki crossed her arms. “But if you really don’t want me hurting him anymore, you’re going to have to come to me and Kaito’s movie night and not skip it like last time.” 

Shuichi definitely could agree with that. “Deal.” He laughed. He was glad that he made it out alive. “Oh Shuichi, Is it alright if it’s tonight?” Shuichi nodded. “Of course, do you want Kaede to tag along? She doesn’t have to if you don’t want her too.” Maki thought for a moment. “Sure she can come over. I always enjoy her company, I’m sure Kaito won’t mind. You can go get her if you want, see you at Kaito’s house at 9pm?” Shuichi agreed and Maki walked of with Kaito. _‘Now where is Kaede? Did she leave for her house? Most likely, I’ll head over now.’_

Once arrived at Kaede’s house he knocked a couple times. Strangely enough, it took much longer for her to answer the door. Kaede opened the door and was shocked to see Shuichi there. Even though this was far from the first time he showed up uninvited. “Oh! Shuichi! What brings you here?” Kaede asked tilting her head to the side. “Well, Maki invited me to their movie night over at Kaito’s place, they said you could come along.” 

“Oh, how kind of them to let me come! But I have a lot of homework… so I won’t be able to…” Kaede apologized again and Shuichi told her it was ok and he left. 

Shuichi went to Kaito’s house and hung out with them and watched a movie that Kaito picked out. His all time favorite “Apollo 13.” Shuichi thought it was an interesting movie and didn’t mind that they watched it almost every week. Maki didn’t seem to mind either, as long as she was with Kaito she was okay with whatever situation. 

Shuichi always enjoyed their company, they’ve been best friends since middle school. Without them he was sure he would of never made it to high school. He was bullied relentlessly and was dealing with a lot of depression, but once Kaito stepped into the picture the bullies stopped bothering him and he made him feel better about himself. 

Kaito dragged in Maki who was one of the most scariest person Shuichi ever met, but once he got to know her she wasn’t bad at all. She was great company and gave good advice on certain topics. 

The time came when everyone had to go home and they did, Kaito waved to Maki and Shuichi as they left. 

He hoped Kokichi had a good night. 

____________________________ 

_15 crossed out 15 more to go._

11:47pm 

Kokichi’s POV: 

Kokichi jerked awake. breathing fast, he calmed himself down. He wiped his forehead where a cold sweat broke out and looked around at his surroundings. He fell asleep on the couch, must've passed out from exhaustion. _‘I had one of those stupid dreams again…’_ he always had these dreams… or nightmares. They felt so real… It’s always until he wakes up that he realizes it was just a dream. 

These dreams being one of the reasons why Kokichi doesn’t sleep a lot, because when he does sleep he feels what's happening around or to him. In these dreams he’s in a dark place, with not much light. He’s laying on a cold surface but feels a soft fabric below him. From his point of view he could see the ceiling close. He was never sure of what it was, but it was kinda like a press of some sorts. This press was inches from his face, in his dream he was terrified. He didn’t know why, it’s like he knew beforehand what was about to happen. Kokichi always tries to move but his body was glued to the spot. Then the press starts to lower ever so slowly. Centimeters from hitting him, he closes his eyes and Shuichi flashes across his mind, it calmed him slightly before pain shoots through every inch of him. This is the moment he wakes up. He used to wake up screaming but over time he got used to them, not that the feeling ever went away. 

Throughout the many mouths he’s had this dream, its been slightly changing. When he first got the dream, he woke up just before it hit him. Just a month ago the dream started to take a turn for the worst. How much worse could it get? He died, you can’t go much further than that. Although… that dream will soon become a reality, but will dying hurt that much? It’s a risk he’s willing to take, it’s better than the alternative. 

Then he noticed that his cheeks were damp. He was crying, and hadn’t noticed. I guess he’s been doing that so much lately it became normal, like breathing. Like many other things. He’s been rarely eating, but he learned to ignore the hunger pangs and now he barely even notices it anymore. Although, he wishes he could get used to how tired he feels everyday. Even if he got a two hour nap, he's still always sluggish. What else could he expect? Not eating. Not sleeping. Practically living off of water. Kokichi was pretty sure he lost around 9... Or 15 pounds (Not like he kept track) since he stopped eating properly. 

His emotions started building up again, he had a terrible habit when it came to dealing with them. Releasing emotions through a blade was the only easy way to do it. At this point it was hard to convey his feelings to words. Trying was pointless. He’d just choke on the sentences he wanted to say, he gave up on trying. But one rule he made himself follow was that he used his right arm for that purpose. His left arm was for the tally marks only. 

He just wished this would be over soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to go down real soon
> 
> come chapter Y


	7. E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love grows where trust is laid,  
>  and love dies where trust is betrayed.”

_8 days later_

4:37pm 

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi was walking to the park he tended to go to when he wanted to clear his head. The park was pretty and he found it an easy place to let his thoughts run wild. He mainly wanted to think about what was wrong with Kokichi. His behavior definitely dropped in enthusiasm since his suspension. Maki must of did a number on him if it was able to cause Kokichi to stop picking on people and stay quiet during the classes Shuichi has seen him in. THAT kind of behavior caused Shuichi’s worries and concerns to sky rocket to mount anxiety. 

It was so out of character for someone like Kokichi. Now that Shuichi really picked apart the issue he almost seemed… depressed. The dull eyes all the way up to what he says. It all makes it look like he… kinda, gave up. Everything Kokichi did always found its way to Shuichi’s box of worries he had in his mind. He found himself pulling things out of that box and anything he grabs always traces itself back to Kokichi. At this point Shuichi needed to dump the whole box out and sort through the things inside. They all were building up on top of each other and it kept getting more and more harder to carry. That’s what he planned on doing until he heard someone speak. 

“Thanks for talking about it with me...I’m glad you’re saner than he is, kinda why I love you. You’re more of a go with the flow person! I get along really well with beautiful pieces of music like you!” 

Shuichi felt the color drain from his face. _‘Was that… was that Kaede’s voice?? No…’_ Shuichi’s heart sped up. He turned around and looked for where he thought he heard her voice. He started to hear someone giggling. Then he finally saw her, sitting in the park gazebo. 

His heart dropped when he saw her… sitting next to Rantaro, hugging his arm, telling him about her issues. The same way she did with him. _‘Is she… cheating on me?’_ Shuichi’s heart started to crack. _‘No… she would never… she would never…’_

When Rantaro slung his arm around her and kissed her head, it confirmed Shuichi’s suspicions. Tears collected in Shuichi’s eyes, he didn’t know how to handle this situation. It was just so out of the blue. His heartbeat soon became all he could hear. He turned around and ran home, just to lock himself in his room and cry. 

He never felt so betrayed. 

He never expected it to hurt this much. 

He should of seen this coming. 

But instead he was played for a fool. 

________________________________________________ 

_29 crosses out 1 to go_

2:03am 

Kokichi’s POV: 

_‘Today’s the last day…’_ Kokichi thought with a sigh of relief. _‘But how will I do it?... Ha, I could die and then make it look like a murder. I bet Shuichi would love that riddle… or maybe I could disappear and die off somewhere where no one would ever find me… eh I like the first option.’_

In ALL honesty, yes he was relieved but he was also scared. He was afraid of dying but if it was better than this. He was willing to go through with the plan. But he did want to feel some comfort... 

Kokichi wanted his hug from Shuichi before the time ran out, but he didn’t know how to get it. Today was a Saturday and Shuichi could be anywhere… 

Maybe he could call him? 

No, that would be stupid. 

Maybe he could go to his house? 

No, that’s pathetic. 

He could break in though… 

Or sneak in… he didn’t want to break anything. 

At what time? maybe 11:30… he knows Shuichi likes to sleep in on weekends. 

He’d wait till then. 

_________________________ 

11:24 am 

Shuichi’s POV: 

Shuichi was laying in his bed staring at his phone. Playing pointless games just to give himself a dumb excuse to not get out of bed. 

But eventually he pulled himself up and got ready for the day that he planned to be quiet. He got all his homework the night before done and finished any other cases he was given, just to have a day in silence and no worries. 

He didn’t want to think about Kaede, who was ignoring him outside of school. Maybe during a school day she would talk to him about random things but Shuichi was still hurt by what she was doing. Kaede probably thinks Shuichi didn’t know about her and Rantaro. If Kaede knew, he had a feeling that she’d blame it on him. He didn’t want to hear it. He blames himself enough as it is. 

That’s when he saw someone hop in through his kitchen window. 

“Hiii~ Shuichi!” Kokichi smiled and waved to Shuichi, who was a little shocked by his sudden appearance. “K-Kokichi??” Shuichi stuttered out. 

“The one and only! Haha, your face is so funny right now! I should take a picture and save it!” Kokichi giggled as he pranced over to Shuichi. Shuichi blushed when he saw him, why? Shuichi wondered the same thing. 

“Kokichi, w-why didn’t you use the door? I would’ve let you in…” Shuichi mumbled while watching Kokichi closely. He surely was going to lie about why he was here. “Like a normal person? Psshhh, you should know by now I’m DEFINITELY not normal!” Kokichi laughed again. 

“Kokichi, why did you come by?” Shuichi wondered, kissing his peaceful day goodbye. “Weeeellllll I wanna talk to my beloved! Since he seemed so depressed this past week!” Once Kokichi said that Shuichi’s tense shoulders dropped. He told himself he wasn’t going to think about that. 

Kokichi must of seen his mood drop. “What happened Shu? Was it that bad?” Shuichi blushed and turned his gaze to the floor. “....I don’t really want to talk about it, Kokichi…” Kokichi placed his hands on his hips. “Yeeeessss you doooo you can’t lie to the Ultimate Liar, Shuichi.” Shuichi sighed and sat in his living room. If Kokichi wanted him to talk about it, then he was going to end up talking about it. That’s the thing about Kokichi, he’s persistent. “Come on Shuichi! Don’t make me guess! Cuz most of the time I’m right!” Kokichi weakly threatened. Shuichi looked at him again, his mood is currently cheerful. Or so he thinks… Kokichi’s a liar after all, he could lie about anything. Especially how he portrays his mood or emotions. “Is it about school? Are you failing!? Is Kaito being mean to you too? Wow never thought of him backstabbing you like that, ooor is it… Kaede?” Kokichi toned his voice down a couple notches when he said her name, probably putting two and two together. Shuichi didn’t even need to tell him he was right. “What did she do? Did she hurt you again?” It was strange hearing Kokichi talk at a serious level, Shuichi could tell he was being genuine for once. Shuichi looked him in his eyes that had been notably dull for a long time and he saw pure concern. 

“...Not physically.” Shuichi murmured, earning a worried look from Kokichi. “What did she do then? Hmm? Don’t leave me hangin!” Kokichi sat on the floor next to the chair Shuichi sat in, and waited for him to answer. “... Kaede’s….” Shuichi took a deep breath. “ ...K-Kaede’s cheating on me…” Shuichi barely said it above a whisper and Kokichi… “WHAT?!” The sudden loudness making Shuichi flinch. Kokichi noticed and kept at a quieter voice. “Shuichi, I told you, you should of ditched her…” Shuichi clenched his fists. “I know…. And I should of listened to you, but I never expected… that she… would do that…” 

Tears formed in Shuichi’s eyes, he felt kinda pathetic acting like this in front of Kokichi. “I say you confront her about it, you should at least assert some confidence so she doesn’t push you down anymore. Making yourself more dominate lets you take a hold of a conversation or situation. Don’t let her have the upper hand, if you get straight to the point it will throw her off guard because as far as I know, she still thinks you're oblivious to the whole thing. You… don’t love her still, right? Because if you do, you’re only going to put yourself through more pain. Maybe you might do anything for her but she would do nothing for you, If she’s with someone else… there's a good chance she might be with you for the attention or the fact that you’re attractive.” 

Shuichi watched Kokichi throw a hand over his mouth, Shuichi didn’t understand why until what he said replayed in his head. _“ ...or the fact that you’re attractive.”_ The minute he realized that he felt his face heat up. “F-From Kaede’s prospective! Just sayin!” Kokichi’s face lit up with a bright red. He pulled up his scarf to hide his blush and continued. “So!” Kokichi hopped up and jumped in front of Shuichi and leaned in close to his face. “...Will you tell Kaede your over with it?” 

Shuichi had to think about that… The answer should’ve been easy, but somehow it wasn’t. He had to answer the main question to get to that one first. 

Did he love her? 

Love… funny thing, it can hurt you and make you feel like your on top of the world at the same time. Why did he fall in love with her in the first place? She was sweet, kind, giving, smart, beautiful, honest, loved helping her friends, and seemed like she could do no wrong. Turns out even the kindest of people have a dark side… but was that love? Or was he in love with what was on the outside more than the inside? Come to think of it… he never really thought she was beautiful other than her looks… he hadn’t even realized it. 

Shuichi nodded. “Yeah… I’ll be sure to, thank you Kokichi.” Kokichi smiled. “I’m glad my beloved won’t suffer anymore!” Kokichi then tugged Shuichi out of his chair and wrapped his arms around him, like he’d never let go. “This is a ‘Your welcome’ hug!” Kokichi grinned and looked up at Shuichi. “Haha… thanks.” Shuichi patted Kokichi’s heads, honestly their height difference was funny. When Kokichi pulled his arms away from around him he saw a mark on his arm. He knew that Kokichi would avoid all topics about him, so he did the next best thing and grabbed Kokichi’s wrist so he couldn’t go anywhere. 

It was on pure instinct and Shuichi didn’t know why his body acted before his mind allowed him to. With his hand firmly around Kokichi’s wrist he had no choice but to go on with whatever he thought before. “Nee-heehee, what are you doing?” Kokichi of course played it off like he wasn’t caught off guard. “Did Maki cut your arms?” Shuichi said as he inspected the cut he saw closer, looking at the nasty scar that was definitely made by a knife. “Well yeah, she was pretty mad about the rumor.” Kokichi lied. As Shuichi held his hand in his he noticed how slim his fingers were. That’s when Kokichi pulled his hand away. “Well, it was nice to drop by Shu! But I have to get going!” Shuichi couldn’t even say goodbye as Kokichi hopped out the window he came in through. 

It was really kind of Kokichi to come over to give him that advice… but why did he come over in the first place? Surely he didn’t just come over to talk about his issues. Did he just want to hang out? If so… it was very thoughtful of him to help him… 

Now to put Kokichi’s advice to good use, he was going to see Kaede.


	8. Y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Liar
> 
> He doesn’t realize that every time he lies,  
> He’s committing suicide in front of me.  
> He’s killing everything I see in him.  
> If only he could be honest,  
> Because God knows I hate to watch him bleed.”

_Couple hours later_

_6:40pm_

He called Kaede and asked her to come over his house. She would be here any minute. 

DING DONG 

Shuichi took a deep breath and opened the door to let Kaede in. 

“Hey Shuichi! Why did you want me to come over so quickly?” Kaede asked in a slightly cheery tone. Shuichi watched her as she sat herself down comfortably at the table. He bit his lip, he couldn't back down now, he couldn't. After all she had been acting like this for so long. Who knows, Kaede probably was doing this from the start. No wonder their relationship moved so slowly. She had other entertainment. “I wanted to...ask you some questions…” Kaede tilted her head to the side. “Ask away, my dear!” 

Her sickening sweet voice was fake, Shuichi looked her in the eye, showing dominance right? Straight to the point... to catch her off guard. “You’ve been cheating on me with Rantaro, right?” Kaede stared wide eyed at Shuichi. Standing up immediately, “I-I was n-not! How could you accuse me of such a ter—” Shuichi wasn't going to allow her to finish. How could he not realize this sooner? “Don’t use that trick on me again because it won’t work.” Shuichi said sternly as he cut her off. Looking at her coldly, “To put in words you can understand, I’m breaking up with you Kaede.” 

Her teary eyed look turned into anger. “Fine! I never loved you anyway! I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!!” Kaede yelled, but Shuichi rolled his eyes. “Kaede, let’s save the talking and drop the act… It makes it easier for both of us.” Kaede sighed. “Fine. If we’re over… then I’m leaving.” Kaede was about to turn around when Shuichi had to ask one more question. 

“Why did you do it?” 

He shouldn't of asked, but he was curious. It would probably hurt to know but... but he just wanted to know. “Why? It’s because you’re… boring, It took three months to hold hands Shuichi, come on, seriously? Your shyness annoys me. Rantaro’s very fun and adventurous. Unlike you, face it Shuichi. You’re not fun to be with. But you’re very handsome, I’ll give you that.” 

Then Kaede left with slamming the door, much to Shuichi’s relief. 

He might be slightly hurt by what Kaede had said. He shouldn't care, she didn't matter anymore. 

Over the next week he learned to get over her fully and not have to worry anymore. 

But although the Kaede problem was solved something still bothered him. Something whispering in the back of his head that something bad was going to happen, and soon. Very soon. He didn't know what was telling him this but it was strong. 

He had a bad feeling it had to do with Kokichi. But what? 

He needed to think with a clearer mind, maybe read a book or something. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_The world around him was dark and he could feel himself breathing fast. This wall in front of him was lifting. He was confused but somehow he knew he was going to see something sickening. Once it lifted up completely he could see into a dimly lit room and saw someone lying between two huge pieces of metal. Their identity being cover by a shadow. Kokichi echoed in his mind. He saw the metal pieces lower like a press. He heard himself scream, “NO!” as this press was about to hit him…_

Shuichi gasped as he woke up, he was breathing fast and was confused about what he just saw. Just a stupid dream right? yeah... just a dream... but it still felt wrong, almost real. He was lying in his bed, he must’ve fallen asleep while reading. He set the book aside and started to think. The more he thought, the more he understood, the concern built up. 

That’s why Kokichi’s behavior seemed so familiar. It’s because Shuichi was in the same position as Kokichi was at some point in his life before. He understood those emotions… he knew that look like the back of his own hand. Shuichi got up out of bed as he realized the horrible truth. 

Kokichi’s... _suicidal._

Once that hit him he stole a glance at the clock. 

12:03am 

He didn’t care if it was midnight, Kokichi needed proper attention ASAP. He grabbed his phone and tried calling him, knowing he wouldn’t pick up. So he threw on his shoes and rushed out his door. Not caring if Kokichi made fun of him for being there so early, the terrible feeling still lingered. He ran to Kokichi’s house and got to his door. He was about to knock when he noticed the door was open. It seemed really odd to leave your door open at night. 

He pushed open the door. “Kokichi? You here?” He called out, no response. Shuichi looked in all the rooms, he didn’t see him. Then he noticed a little piece of paper on the table. Shuichi grabbed it and read the three little things on there. 

\------------------- 

Buh bye! :P 

-K.O 

\------------------- 

Next to his initials was a tiny doodle of a bridge. Shuichi’s heart started racing. 

_‘Think Shuichi! That’s a clue, Kokichi loves doing this to people… Think! Where is he?! Where?! Where is this bridge?!’_ He skimmed through his memory, trying to find anything. 

_‘...That bridge... That one place that was slightly mentioned by Kokichi when he ranted on about the most random things on the planet just to keep the silence out of the room. I know where that bridge is.’_

Shuichi swears he will murder that boy if this ends up to be a huge sick joke. 

He knew this bridge was far away, 10 or 11 minutes away. 

But if he ran, just maybe he’d make it. 

Something was going to happen… something resulting in Kokichi not coming back. he really didn't want that stupid dream to become a reality. He made it to the hill, hoping that it had the bridge attached to it. He hurried up the path already out of breath. When he made it to the bridge...there stood Kokichi Ouma. Looking over the edge just a little too far. That’s when Kokichi noticed him, pure shock was visibly shown on Kokichi’s face, "Sh-Shuichi?! what—" He never got to finish his sentence. Since a loud ***CRACK*** was heard. 

And to Shuichi's horror the old wooden guardrail Kokichi was leaning on… 

...snapped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel accomplished, I typed half this one hand while my cat used my other arm as a pillow (cats r cute, u let them haz wat they want)
> 
> Anyway, another puurrfect chapter, right? right? XD
> 
> (Yes, I said that for a cat pun)


	9. O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I always wanted you.
> 
> Even when I didn't know what I wanted.
> 
> Even before I knew you.
> 
> It was you.
> 
> You were the chapter I didn't know the words to, but I always knew it existed.
> 
> And when I finally found it and began to read,
> 
> I knew I was home."

Shuichi didn’t know what super human power came over him but he dove forwards and caught Kokichi by his arm. The other gasped in surprise dangling over a deadly drop while Shuichi was using the last of his strength to hold on to Kokichi. Normally Kokichi was light, but gravity was on the small boys side and Shuichi didn’t have the best leverage. He held onto Kokichi with one hand while his other arm was clinging to the wood of the old bridge.

“Kokichi...!” He breathed out, literally on the edge of losing his sanity. He was never a fan of heights, terrified of them, actually. Shuichi wasn’t strong either. He could only hold onto him for so long before he slipped through his fingers. He’d never forgive himself. 

He didn’t know how to hoist Kokichi up, if he used his other hand, they both would fall… he’d have to pull him up with will power. 

With the last of his energy, he lifted Kokichi back to the bridge that almost killed him. 

Once on the stable part of the wood, Shuichi’s muscles screamed from exerting himself. All he could do was hold Kokichi close to him weakly and cry. He almost lost him, he almost got killed, Shuichi sobbed because he couldn’t believe Kokichi was going through pain and covering it up so Shuichi would never of guessed. He cried because… 

Because well… 

...He loved him. 

He felt Kokichi lean into his touch. “ I...I-I’m… s-so s-...sorry…!” Shuichi cried as he hugged Kokichi a little tighter. He felt Kokichi’s fast heartbeat and his breath trying to slow. It’s all Shuichi forced himself to focus on. He felt like he was going to crash from adrenaline any second but he needed to stay awake for Kokichi. “S-Shu…” Kokichi mumbled, not able to speak fully due to the lack of everything lately. If he could speak, he’d probably yell at him for keeping him here, and then thank him. 

___________________________________________ 

~~~~~~~~ 

_Kokichi saw the press lowering on him, getting closer and closer. “I don’t want to die… please, I don’t want to die.” He heard himself mutter. Yet again he tried to move but his body but he felt heavy and his limbs were impossible to lift, all he could do was close his eyes. This time he didn’t see Shuichi. Just pitch blackness, he wanted to see him before he died! Please… just once… even if it’s not in person. The space around him got smaller and he braced himself for what he was about to feel. But suddenly, before the press hit him. Something warm wrapped around him, something comforting, something safe… Someone slid him off the press, and was… holding him. Telling him that it was ok. “Kokichi…” The person whispered._

_“Wake up..”_

~~~~~~~~ 

Kokichi blinked a couple times. _‘Where am I?’_ Was Kokichi’s first thought, but then he recognized the room. It was Shuichi’s living room, and he was laying on the couch… Or the couch and Shuichi. When he found out that he was using Shuichi as his pillow he sat up, a little too quickly. A headache shot through his head but he was more focused on Shuichi. “Shuichi…?” He said quietly, staring at him in the room that was only lit up by the early sun pouring in through the blinds on the windows. “Hey Kokichi....” Shuichi gently whispered as he pulled him into a hug. “I hope you didn’t mind… it looked like you were having a nightmare so I woke you up…” Kokichi hugged back. “No, its fine…” 

As Kokichi pulled away from the hug he realized a thickness on his arms, he pulled up his sleeves and saw that his arm was bandaged up. Both of them. “Kokichi…” Shuichi spoke gently. “....Could I help you?... Could I… try?” Shuichi said as he brushed the hair out of Kokichi’s tired eyes. 

Kokichi nodded. “But… how? ...How did you find me?” Shuichi gave a small smile. “...I remembered when you used to talk all the time, especially for no reason. You said something about an old bridge above a certain road that people barely use… I knew where that is, so I knew where you were.” Kokichi didn’t remember when he said that. 

True, he did used to just talk and talk but that was because he didn’t like how quiet the room got but he never expected anyone to care. “You… actually listened to that?” Shuichi nodded. “I’ve always found you...interesting, kinda like a big puzzle.” Shuichi said as he blushed.“But why?? Why did you help me?....I don’t deserve it…” Kokichi mumbled, still kind of waking up. “Don’t deserve it? That’s not true Kokichi… Nobody deserves to suffer… You deserve to be given a chance, I don’t know what you’re going through but I can help you… I care about you, more than you realize.” 

Kokichi’s eyes welled up with tears. There was so many things he could say to Shuichi to change his mind, he could remind him of all the wrong things he’s done. He could tell him about how he’s a failure to his title, a waste of space. But no one has told him those words. _“...I care about you, more than you realize.”_ “...You care about me…” Kokichi repeated to himself. Shuichi kissed his forehead, “Yes… a lot…” Then it clicked in Kokichi’s brain. “B-But I thought… you and Kaede…” Shuichi sighed. “We broke up… I realized I never really loved her.. It might of taken me a while but the person I actually fell in love with is… you.” 

Kokichi’s eyes widened, heart beating fast. Kokichi felt so happy at that moment, he didn’t know how to express it. Shuichi didn’t understand how much those words meant to him. Soon the emotion spilled out through tears, but he didn’t cry because he was sad, he cried because he was so unbelievably happy. Being happy felt so strange, and so foreign. The only “happy” he knew was through fake smiles and faux laughs. “I... I-I love you too…” Kokichi managed to say as he hugged Shuichi. Shuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi and this time he didn’t let go. 

Sometimes it takes a life threatening event to make you appreciate what you have here and now, before what you love slips through your fingers and fall so far down that they cannot be reached. So Shuichi holds on to what almost fell to far. Never again will he slip through his fingers. 

Shuichi heard Kokichi’s cries come to an end. He realized he had fallen asleep again. _‘He must of been tired… He probably hasn’t been sleeping, not to mention how skinny he is. When he wakes up I’ll make sure he eats…’_ Those were Shuichi’s last thoughts before he dozed off into his own dreamland. Kokichi resting against his chest, safe and sound. The gentle beating of the others heart beat like a lullaby, with that Shuichi could finally be at peace. 

... 

When he woke up, Kokichi was still sleeping. He gently lifted him off and laid him on the couch while he went to get something for both of them to eat. He figured people who haven't eaten in awhile needed to start off with small foods, since their stomach isn’t used to holding food. Shuichi decided a light soup would be a good idea. 


	10. U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. The once in a lifetime people."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get some fluff, and you get some fluff, heck,
> 
> YALL GETTIN SOME FLUFF!

Kokichi yawned as he sat up in the same place he fell asleep. Except Shuichi wasn’t there. He looked and saw he wasn’t too far away, just in the room over making something. Whatever it was smelled nice, but Kokichi cringed at the idea of eating something.

Kokichi peeked his head in the kitchen. “Oh! You’re awake.” Shuichi smiled as he noticed Kokichi. “...I made some soup, it’s an old family recipe. I may not be the Ultimate Cook but I think it’s ok…” Kokichi’s head perked up when he heard ‘family recipe.’ “Sooo Shu ate that when he was little?” Shuichi nodded as he poured some in a bowl and put it on the table in front of Kokichi. 

Kokichi stared at it for a second before looking back at Shuichi. “You want me to eat that…” Shuichi sat next to him. “Yes, I do.” Kokichi pushed the bowl of soup towards Shuichi. “Mmmm I’m not hungry.” Kokichi protested as Shuichi pushed the bowl back. “I know you are, come on… do I have to treat you like a little kid?” Shuichi teased. “I know you know why you have to eat, humans need fuel. What do they run off of if not that?” 

“Solar power.” 

“Kokichi…” 

“Fine! Fine! But the only way I’m eating it is if you feed it to me!” 

Shuichi sighed. “Alright.” He said as he picked up the spoon. Kokichi was surprised he said he would. Shuichi held the spoon full of soup to Kokichi’s lips. It did smell very appetizing. So Kokichi opened his mouth to allow himself to eat something that wasn’t candy or Panta. 

The soup was amazing, the warm flavors and mixture of ingredients was perfect. “Mmm did Shumai sprinkle some extra love into the mix? Or did Lady Luck let you cook something that isn’t toxic for once?” 

“Hey! I’m not that bad at cooking!” 

“Pffft I’ve seen you in cooking class, is it true you almost burned down the whole kitchen?” 

“W-What do you expect? I’m a Detective, not a Chef!” 

“Wow a Detective who can’t even follow a recipe!” 

“At least I’m a _decent_ cook.” 

“Ha, stop lying to yourself. Ya can’t fool me!” 

Soon the bowl was empty and Shuichi was washing the dishes while Kokichi continued to insult him on his cooking. “Kokichi…” Shuichi started after he finished what little dishes he had. “...How long have you not been eating? Properly, I mean.” Kokichi thought for a moment. “Hmm I would lie, but since my beloved asked so nicely…I’d say about… a month?” After Kokichi said that Shuichi looked at him with a mixture of shock, horror, and concern. Shuichi thought for a moment. “...That’s why you were so unbelievably light when I carried you here…” 

“Sooo… What’s Shuichi gonna do about it?” Shuichi didn’t seem to hear him. “How much do you weight? I’m sure you're definitely malnourished…” Kokichi crossed his arms and pouted. “Then I guess you’re gonna have to keep feeding me! Or else I’ll stop eating all together! You wouldn’t want that Shuichi! I could starve!” Shuichi gave him a disapproved look. “Kokichi, don’t joke around with things like that… Do you seriously want me to baby you?” Kokichi actually took the thought into consideration. “Well, I wouldn’t mind…” Shuichi rolled his eyes, Kokichi was about to take back his words when he saw a smile on Shuichi’s lips. “You can make me a bedtime! And read me stories! AND you can buy me treats! Panta is my personal favorite, BUT IT MUST BE GRAPE. Or else I will kidnap you in your sleep and ship you off to the _Saihara_ desert for you to dry up in the sun!” Shuichi stared at him for a couple seconds before he just started laughing. Kokichi cherished the sound, he rarely got to hear or see Shuichi laugh. Since he was such a emo person who seemed like would despise all happiness. 

“Haha… That’s the first time I heard that one, and it’s not even that funny...” Shuichi chuckled while still smiling. Kokichi made a mental notes about Shuichi liking terrible puns and smiled back at him, returning Shuichi’s warm and happy grin. Then Kokichi realized, it was the first time in a long time… That he smiled genuinely. Kokichi’s heart filled with the gratitude he felt for Shuichi. Shuichi must’ve seen the expression on his face because Shuichi hugged him, it was then Kokichi noticed he was crying happy tears again. 

_____________________________________ 

“Kokichi we really need to talk about it…” Shuichi sighed. “What is there to talk about?” Kokichi was playing dumb like before when Shuichi tried to talk about it. He’s been staying with Shuichi ever since that day. Shuichi has learned a lot about Kokichi since then like… He hates sleeping alone, he hates being alone in general, he acts annoying and pesters Shuichi when he wants attention or a hug, he makes jokes about the things he wants to avoid or feel uncomfortable with, and he’s a mess with his emotions. 

Shuichi understands why Kokichi probably wouldn’t want to talk about it, for starters he KNOWS he’ll break down into tears, he’ll get depressed again, he’ll try to avoid the topic at all costs, but these are the same reasons why he needs to talk about it with him. He bottles up so much it’s hurting him on the inside. Shuichi’s sure that he looks ok on the outside but on the inside he’s tearing himself apart all over again into little shreds. 

“I want you to tell me the thoughts that went through your head, the things that led up to such an extreme measure.” Shuichi sat on his bed where Kokichi was sitting. 

“...” Kokichi remained silent with his face blank. Shuichi sighed again. “I know you don’t want to talk about it but we need to… you can’t keep bottling up your emotions…” 

“B-But I’m okay now!” Kokichi argued back, regretting the stutter. “Kokichi it’s ok to talk about it…” 

“No it’s not…” Kokichi mumbled. “We don’t need to talk about how pathetic I am… we don’t need to repeat the things I thought… we don’t need to remind me of how worthless I felt! We don’t!!” Kokichi spoke harshly, his voice rising in volume. “You’re not pathetic… it’s part of being human, we feel depressed sometimes… that doesn’t make you worthless…” Shuichi reassures, But Kokichi didn’t like that. 

“No! Shuichi! I AM, stop trying to sugar coat it! I’m a pathetic, worthless person who can’t do anything right! Selfish… Greedy… good for nothing, I can’t even live up to my title, I’m a sad excuse for a so called “Supreme Leader.” I don’t even know why you stay with me…” Shuichi could tell he was trying to keep his voice from shaking, but failing. “Don’t listen to yourself… you're not pathetic, worthless, selfish, or greedy… And you’re not a failure to your title, you’re a very good supreme leader…” Shuichi knew Kokichi wouldn’t believe him but he could still try… “Stop it Shuichi.” Kokichi obviously not going to have it, and when he got like this he stayed up all night thinking who knows what, so Shuichi had to fix that. 

“But you are, you’re really amazing, and one of a kind… would you like me to list all of the reasons why I love and care about you?” Shuichi pulled Kokichi closer to him. 

“Spare me the short list, please.” 

“Oh it’s not short…” 

“Liar, I bet it’s shorter than me, and that’s saying something.” 

“You’re not _that_ short.” 

“Pfft, are you hearing yourself? You dwarf me.” 

“One, short and sweet with a hot aftertaste.” 

“Shuichi, what are you doing?” 

“Two, pouts when doesn’t get his way.” 

“Shuuuiiiichiiiii.” 

“Three, lovable and huggable.” 

“Okaaaaay I get it stooooop.” 

“Four, blushes when complimented.” 

“STOOOOOOOOPPPPP!!! I get it! I get it!” 

Kokichi’s cheeks beamed a bright red. Pulling his checkered scarf up to attempt to cover it. Shuichi smiled and pecked Kokichi’s cheek, knowing well that it would only deepen his blush. Shuichi found it funny when Kokichi showed his feelings for him, he was so confident. But when Shuichi does things like this, Kokichi’s completely muted. He doesn’t know what goes through his mind but he knows he isn’t unhappy anymore, plus…. He finds it cute. 

“I can do better than that…” Kokichi mumbled as he propped himself up to eye level with Shuichi and leaned in, kissing him on the lips. The tables turned and Shuichi ended up red faced. Kokichi buried his face in Shuichi’s chest to hide his own blush. Shuichi locked his arms around him so he wouldn’t go anywhere. “I love you..” Kokichi muttered in Shuichi's ear as he rested his small head on his shoulder. “I love you too…and I mean it.” Shuichi said back pressing a soft kiss to Kokichi’s head. 

~~~ 

Since then Kokichi has spent his days with Shuichi. Everyone in their class found out about them. Kaede got jealous of the relationship, she even spread nasty rumors about them. But Karma slapped her in the face when Rantaro dumped her and she got suspended for a month. 

Why? 

Because the principle wasn’t too happy with the rumors she’s been telling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I hope to improve my writing for you all in the future :D


End file.
